This should be an altogether alarming prognosis for those choosing to be parents, who play an active role in shaping the adult their child will inevitably become. Food, clothing, and shelter are no longer the sole metrics defining whether a child is thriving. As evidenced by the rise of performative relationship practitioners (fuckbois) ascending to positions of authority and influence—impacting countless lives—this research is, paradoxically, both timely and long overdue.